A Night Out
by Maur the Grey
Summary: I was bored.  I repeatedly banged my head against the keyboard, and this was created.  This is purely about the Hocotations, 'cause no one seems to be writing anything about them anymore.  Review, you mothers.


**Where did this come from, you may ask? It was a plot bunny that kept nibbling at my brain while I was trying to concentrate on other crap, so I wrote it, and, since I had so much fun writing it, I'm going to share it with you.**

**No, I'm going to wave it in your face until you look. Anyways, Thorn is my OC, a Hocotation commander who's very small for her age, Plum is my name for Olimar's wife (since I couldn't make a charming anagram of 'Peach'), and there's language. Oh, and corny shit.**

**Lots and lots of corny shit.**

**UPDATE: I changed it a little to make it more of a Pikmin canon story, but not by much. Suck it up and read.**

**Nintendo owns, I'm a drone, blah-de-fucking-blah.**

* * *

Louie sat with Olimar, sipping his drink and drumming his fingertips against the table. It had been two months since their treasure-gathering adventure on the Pikmin planet, and the two now shared a quiet, if not surprisingly close, friendship. On this occasion, Olimar had decided he wanted to get out of the house and, as his family's money problems were considerably lighter, he had called Louie and invited him to a night out at one of the fancier bars.

"So..." the younger said, after a long stretch of silence. "...What's on your mind?" Olimar sighed, slumping slightly in his seat.

'It's Plum," he said, sighing again. "You'd think being almost killed would convince her to act a little romantic on occasion, yeah? She won't even kiss me anymore." Louie winced, trying to think of some sound advice.

"You could always tell her how it makes you feel," he suggested weakly, and Olimar glanced at him.

"Believe me, I've tried. She just rolls her eyes and tells me not to be so soft." He put his head in his hands. "I do everything she asks me to, but..." He fell silent, his dark eyes heavy with misery as he stare at his drink, and Louie fidgeted with his napkin for a few minutes before awkwardly patting Olimar on the back.

"It'll work out," he said, trying to sound as if he knew what he was talking about. "You'll see." Olimar took a drink, draining half his glass.

"I hope so," he said quietly, then shook himself and blinked some moisture from his eyes. "Anyways, Louie, how is Thorn?" Louie grimaced.

"Well, if you've got to know..." He took a deep breath, appearing to steady himself. "...I took the chickenshit way out and told her we should just be friends." Olimar frowned slightly.

"Why? I thought you liked her."

"I DO!" Louie exclaimed, causing the people at the next booth to look over and glare. "I _do_like her! I can't get her out of my head! But when we were on the Ship, she kind of went to kiss me, and I panicked and...told her we wouldn't work out because she's too tough and I liked women with frills. _I fucked it up_, okay?" Olimar placed his hand on Louie's arm, amused at the sudden outburst; it was as if this had been on his mind for weeks now.

"Calm down, Louie," he said, shaking his head. "You two are young; you'll meet again." Louie looked at the older Captian, dispair written in his brown eyes.

"You didn't see her face, Olimar. You'd think I had punched her." He drank the rest of his wine, then sighed. "In fact, she told me I _should _have punched her. She said it would have been less disappointing then me playing her." Olimar shook his head.

"Yikes." The two men sat in silence for a moment as a waiter came around and refilled their glasses. They both gave heavy sighs.

"Perhaps we should-" Olimar began to say, but then a loud, angry voice made both Hocotations turn in shock.

"You jerk!" it gowled, loud enough to make others look, but quiet enough to let them dismiss it. "Get your Goddamm hands off of me!" There came the sound of flesh hitting flesh, followed by a short yelp, and a woman left the bar and came around the corner, where Olimar and Louie were sitting. Louie jumped to his feet in shock, getting his feet caught under the bar that held the table up and toppling over, directly into the woman's path. He looked up and grinned weakly, and Olimar chuckled.

"Hello, Thorn," he said, lifting his wineglass to her, and she smiled back, fluttering her short eyelashes.

"Hello, Olimar," she said sweetly, then glared down at Louie. "Get up, asshole." Louie struggled to his feet as Thorn looked over her shoulder, yelped, and dived under the table, hiding behind the tablecloth. A burly Hocotation male came walking past, a bruise on his cheek, his green eyes narrowed. He stopped at the table, looking at the two captains.

"You two fruits seen a short broad come past here?" he asked, and Louie felt Thorn's nails dig into his ankle. He managed to squeak out a negative reply, and the man stormed off, muttering foul language under his breath. Thorn peeped her head out from under the table, directly in Louie's lap, and he jumped.

"Is he gone?" she whispered, and he nodded, making her breathe a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God." She pulled herself up into the booth, trying to smooth her hair. "I swear, men like that give men a bad name..."

"What happened?" Olimar asked, noticing how rumpled her red dress was, the neck having been torn slightly. She pulled it up, but it slipped down again, and she huffed, resting her head, on her folded arms, on the table.

"He asked if he could buy me a drink, and I told him yes, and I'm guessing he took that to mean 'go ahead and grope me, you filthy bastard,'" she said, her voice slightly muffled, and Olimar winced.

"I'm sorry, Thorn. Here, let me buy you a drink." She shot him a look that would have curdled milk, but the effect was ruined by a playful smile.

"Olimar, I like you. Don't make me punch you too."

"Yes, ma'am," he said quietly, sipping his drink with an air of complete innocence. She asked a passing waiter of he could bring her a glass of wine on a seperate tab, then put her head in her hands.

"God, it's so hard to find a decent man anymore," she said, and Louie grinned.

"You've been having problems too?" he asked, and she looked up long enough to glare at him.

"Louie, I'm sorry to hear that you've been having problems trying to find a man, but if you don't mind, I'd rather not talk to you. At all." He fell silent, and she went back to rubbing her temples. Olimar cleared his throat.

"Actually, Thorn, he's talking about me."

"Captain, don't tell me you're trying to find a man, too!" she said. "God, with a good-looking guy like you available, I'm NEVER going to get any action!" Olimar laughed, feeling the stress lift from his shoulders.

"No, actually," he joked back. "The guy I'm interested in is streight." Thorn laughed along with him this time.

"Oh, thank God for that." She was brought her wine, and she took a drink before continuing. "Seriously, though, what's wrong?"

"My wife-"

"-She's a shrew." Thorn made a sour face and sipped her wine again. "Don't get me wrong, Olimar, she's absolutely stunning, but she's just waaaay too uptight." When they had returned, Olimar had attempted to kiss Plum, who had responded by pushing him away. This had prompted a very spirited argument between Thorn, who couldn't stand the sight of a lonely married man, and Plum, who believed that romance was good in very, very small doses.

Olimar shook his head.

"What do I do, Thorn? You're a woman, so you have to know about this sort of thing..." She sighed, resting her head on a propped-up hand.

"Tell her she needs to lighten up," she said, and Olimar grew pale. "No? Well..." She thought for a moment, then a slow smile spread over her face. "Where is she now?"

"At home," Olimar replied, taken aback, and Thorn jumped up.

"I'll be right back. Tell the waiter that I'm only leaving for a few minutes, and if he gives you grief..." She took a wad of Pokos from her small clasp purse. "...Give him this."

"Thorn, wait!" Olimar exclaimed, but she had already dashed off. He slumped down again. "Oh God, this can't possibly end well..." Louie sympathetically patted his friend's arm.

"Well, at least when you get home, Plum won't be able to yell at you."

"What makes you say that?" Olimar asked, and Louie grimaced.

"Because, captain," he said. "She'll have worn herself out shouting at Thorn."

* * *

Plum looked up from her book, then jumped to her feet, her violet eyes flashing dangerously at the sight of the young lady in the skimpy red dress.

"You little HUSSY-!" she began, but Thorn grabbed her hand and began to pull her upstairs.

"No time for a fight, madam!" she said, ignoring Plum's loud protests. "You're going out tonight."

"That's ridiculous!" Plum exclaimed, jerking her hand out of Thorn's. "I'm not going to spend good money on-"

"I have it covered," Thorn said. "Now hurry and get yourself dolled up."

"But...but..." Plum's resolve was breaking. "...The kids..."

"Got it." Thorn went to Sagittarius's room, finding him playing video games. He looked up, confused.

"And who are you?" he asked, but Thorn made a 'shush' motion.

"How old are you?" She asked, and he gave her a long, hard stare.

"Fourteen." He took in her torn dress and ruffled hair. "Are you a crack whore?"

"Sagittarius, I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap if I hear that again!" Plum barked, and he fell silent, and Thorn grinned.

"Awesome. You can watch you sister for a couple of hours, can't you?"

"Yeah..."

"Good. Your mom's going out with me."

"Oh. Okay." He went back to his games as Thorn dragged Plum to her and Olimar's bedroom and began to look in the closet. Plum, having given up, crossed her arms and sat down on the bed.

"What are you doing NOW?" she asked, and Thorn pulled out a very flattering purple dress, cut on the bias, made of silk.

"Perfect," she said, then pushed it into Plum's arms. "Put it on. I'll do your makeup and hair."

"No. Absolutely not." Plum's voice was icy, but Thorn merely sighed.

"Look, do you want go out and have fun like the sexy woman you are, or do you want to stay here by yourself?" she asked, and Plum's expression became one of grudging finality.

"Fine," she huffed at last. "I'll put on the dress."

"Good." Thorn turned her back as Plum shimmied out of her pink nightgown and into the dress, zipping it up in the back. It still fit, for all that she hadn't worn it in years, and Thorn whistled her approval.

"Okay, I put it on," Plum said, trying to bite back a pleased smile at how well it fit. "Now can we just go?"

"Hang on a second, toots," Thorn said, pulling her to the nightstand. "You need some good heels, some earrings, and make-up. Oh, and your hair. We've gotta do your hair." Thorn quickly flicked some eyeshadow over Plum's eyelids, skipping the mascara (her long lashes didn't need it, she reasoned), and applied her lipstick for her, then swept her short hair to one side, pinning it back with a pearl clip. Her earrings were dangling amethyst carefully cut into droplet shapes, a little darker than the dress she wore.

When she was done, Plum took a look at herself and nearly giggled. Her eyeshadow was light enough, just a few shades darker than her skin, but her lips were a sensual crimson Cupid's Bow. Thorn grabbed a pair of steep heels for her to slip on, then added a white silk scarf, for good measure.

"Dang," she said, admiring her handiwork. "Your husband's going to shit himself." Plum blushed, giving a small smile.

"Thanks," she said quietly. "Now, can we go?"

"Wait a second," Thorn said, grabbing a bottle of 'Sparkling Lust' perfume from her bag and dabbing it onto Plum's wrist and neck. "Okay. We're good to go." The two women rushed from the house and into the car, Thorn taking the driver's seat, letting Plum fasten her seat belt before the car roared off down the road.

* * *

Olimar looked at Louie, who was drinking his third glass of wine.

"Why is she still mad at me?" he asked, for the fifteenth time that afternoon, and Olimar grinned.

"Maybe it was the line about wanting a women with frills," he said, and Louie's eyebrows shot up as he looked past his friend.

"You mean, like _her_?" he asked, mischievously, and Olimar turned to look in the direction of Louie's stare, his jaw dropping and his dark eyes wide with shock.

Plum strode in, a confident shimmer about her person and, to Olimar, she looked like a gem come to life. Her eyes were sparkling for the first time in years, an easy smile resting on her soft, inviting lips as she gazed at him from behind those long, lush lashes.

Olimar stood, awestruck as Plum wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him, keeping him at an arms length, but it was contact nonetheless. She sat, and Thorn slid into the booth next to her, allowing her to sit next to her dumbfounded husband.

"Honey," he breathed. "...You look..._gorgeous_..." She smiled and batted her lashes at him, and Thorn hid a grin behind her hand.

"Phase one is complete," she whispered to Louie. "Now all we need is..." She craned her neck, looking for their waiter.

"Does this mean you're talking to me again?" he asked, and she glared at him. On the other side of the table, Olimar was trying to hold Plum's hand, but she pulled away and went back to talking about what their kids had been up to, ignoring the small, disappointed sigh that he let out.

"Louie," Thorn hissed. "You were an asshole. A complete asshole. You led me on, then threw it in my face, and we are _not_ on good terms, understand?" Before he could answer, their waiter returned, and Thorn ordered a bottle of very strong wine.

"Can't we talk about this?" Louie asked, and she shot him a look that could slay a Bulbear.

"We need to get her drunk enough to at least listen to him for a change," she replied, nodding in Plum's direction, and Louie sighed.

"No, not about that," he began, but then the wine arrived and Thorn busied herself with pouring Plum a glass, all the while telling her about some fantastic outfits she had seen at the bargain stores in town, a subject that she knew Plum would appreciate.

After everyone had had at least one glass (Thorn kept refilling Plum's when she wasn't looking), the two captains and one commander began to talk about their experiences on the Pikmin planet.

"Did you see Louie punch that sleeping Bulborb in the eye?" Olimar asked, grinning, and Louie blushed, remembering the near-death experience that had followed his foolish action, then tried to change the subject.

"I remember when _you _brained that Bulbear," he said to Thorn, who shrugged.

"He shouldn't have tried to eat you." She looked past Plum, who was listening to the stories with a faint air of boredom, and took her glass. "Here, hon, let me get you some more wine."

"Oh, you don't have to-" she protested weakly, then trailed off when the fiery ex-marine winked.

"I insist. A lovely woman like you deserves to be pampered." Olimar nodded in agreement, grinning as Plum blushed a brilliant scarlet.

"Oh, please," she said, and the younger woman grinned.

"You have the breasts and ass of a schoolgirl, Miss, and you know it," she said, and Plum's blush darkened, a slightly girlish giggle escaping her lips, and she put a hand to her mouth, hiding her smile. Thorn nudged her slightly and nodded at Olimar, who was also blushing, at a loss for words. "Your husband knows this too," she added in a suggestive whisper.

"Thorn, please!" Plum squeaked, laughing, trying to conceal her bright red cheeks with a raised hand. "You're making me blush!"

"You're cute when you blush," Olimar said, resting his hand on her shoulder, and she turned to look at him, which gave Thorn the opportunity to slip something into her glass. Louie glanced at the glass, then back at Thorn, who winked and held a finger to her lips as she handed it back to the older woman, who took a sip, her eyes still locked with her husband's.

"You really think I'm still cute?" she asked, her violet eyes gazing into his raven ones. "After all these years?"

"Of course!" he said, brushing the back of his hand down her cheek. "You're beautiful." Thorn grinned and turned back to Louie.

"Shouldn't be long now," she said, and he stared at her.

"Thorn, what the heck did you just do?"

"Ask me no questions, Louie, and I shall tell no lies. Now shut up and get drunk." She glanced back at Plum and Olimar, and noticed that the older woman was smiling at her husband, flush-faced, her eyes sparkling. He leaned foreword and took a small sip of the wine from her glass, then frowned.

"That's a very interesting flavor," he said, then took another sip. "What is that?"

"One of the more exotic brands," Thorn replied smoothly. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. It's kind of nice." Thorn turned around and bit on her own hand to stop from laughing, and Louie frowned.

"Really, Thorn, what...did...you..." He trailed off, his eyes growing wide as his gaze shifted to the couple behind her. She turned to look and grinned, met with the sight of Plum passionately kissing Olimar, her lipstick leaving little prints on his neck, his cheek, his lower lip. Thorn turned back to Louie and smirked.

"And _that's_ how you fix a relationship," she said over the muffled giggles coming from behind her. Louie shook his head, hiding his face, and Thorn's pointed ears flicked once in slight annoyance as the two began to kiss, the giggles fading into little sighs and moans. "Okay, Lou, I get it. Just a second..." She cleared her throat rather loudly, and the husband and wife jerked apart, both blushing.

"Oh, Thorn, I'm sorry..." Plum said breathlessly, looking sheepish. "I don't know what got into me..."

"Heh...we...er...we didn't mean to..." Olimar added, and the younger woman shook her head, grinning.

"It's cool, guys. It's just that it's late, and Lou and I might leave soon." She jabbed Louie in the chest with her elbow, then smiled as he folded up, groaning. "Isn't that right, Lou?"

"Y-yeah," he managed to wheeze, rubbing his chest. "What she said."

"Well, we should get back anyways," Plum said, leaning into Olimar, who had rested his hand on her shoulder. "Don't we, darling?"

"Yeah," Olimar said, standing, pulling his wife up with him, his arm around her waist. "Well, Louie, Thorn...it was great to see you both, but we've got to get home. Kids, you know."

"Of course," Thorn said, grinning. "Don't worry about the bill; I've got it covered. Have a nice night, you two." As they left, Louie scooted closer to Thorn, his expression suddenly serious.

"Okay..." he said slowly. "That was interesting and all, but what in HELL was it all about?" She grinned and rolled her eyes.

"Remember the 'Love Nugget?'" He thought for a moment.

"That big, red, vegitable-fruit thing from the Pikmin Planet?"

"That's the one."

"Yeah, I remember, but what does that have to do with..." His jaw dropped as he pointed a finger at her. "You DIDN'T!" She innocently looked away, and he gaped. "How did you get your hands on that?"

"Oh, it turns out that they're selling bottled Love Nugget juice at my favorite adult bookstore, now that they've figured out how to grow it," she said dissmissively. "I bought some, and decided to use a little on Plum. Just a little, though."

"Why just a little?"

"Well," she replied, with a small shrug. "...Mainly so that she couldn't taste it, because it tastes disgusting on it's own, but also because I thought it would be embarrassing for her to get so horny that she might do something she'd regret in public. That stuff is strong, after all."

"...I never, NEVER wanted to think of Olimar's wife as 'horny,'" Louie said, hiding his face. "Why'd you have to say that?"

"Hey, if it helps, I'm a little horny too, but that comes naturally." He looked up, grinning.

"Really?" He scooted closer, and Thorn moved down the booth without so much as blinking.

"Yeah, but I wonder how long it'll take Olimar to figure out that I spiked his wife's drink." She grinned. "I mean, he tried the Love Nugget himself, remember? You think he'll put two and two together?"

"He will, most likely, but it'll work out. _Something_ had to be done; he was on the verge of tears earlier..." Louie scooted closer again, and she moved down further.

"I'm still pissed at you," she said, her brown eyes narrowing, and he sighed.

"Would it help if I apologize?"

"I don't know, Louie. Would it give me back the time I wasted chasing you, thinking you were actually interested?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm, biting enough to make him wince, and he tried to move closer again, only to have her scoot down. She glared at him. "Give me some space or I'm leaving."

Dejectedly, he moved down, allowing her to come back to her spot.

"Listen, Thorn, I was a moron," he tried to say, but she held up her hand.

"Save it," she said. "I don't want to hear the whole 'I made a mistake' bullshit." Louie fell silent again.

"You're _mean_, you know that?" he asked, irritated, and she grinned and took a drink.

"Yes." Her stubbornness was starting to make him angry, which was something that didn't happen often.

"You know what, Thorn?" he asked, and she arched her eyebrows. "I've been trying to apologize to you, but you're refusing to listen."

"Why should I?" she retorted. "You acted like you wanted me, then brushed me off when I gave in. You're a jackass. See you." She stood to leave, but Louie grabbed her arm.

"Would you just _listen_ to me, you judgmental bitch?" His raised voice caused the people at the next booth to quiet for a moment, and Thorn sat down again, grinning a wry, amused grin.

"Well well..." she quipped. "Look who's growing a temper. Congratulations." Her smile only served to enrage him more.

"Maybe you should just shut the fuck up," he shot back, and she chuckled.

"I've got to say, Lou, I've never seen this side of you, and I think I like it." She rested her head on a propped-up hand, drumming her fingertips on the table, waiting.

"Look..." he said, after a long silence. "...I shouldn't have lied to you."

"That's for damn sure."

"Thorn, shut it."

She mouthed the words 'fuck you' and gave him an alluring smile, and he felt the mad urge to laugh.

"I couldn't help myself, Thorn," he continued, ignoring the sceptic glare that followed that statement. "I'm not exactly a lady's man, and when you came at me, I panicked. How else did you expect me to react?"

"Maybe you could have not acted like you wanted me in the first place, and I wouldn't have tried to do the naughty with you."

"Thorn, don't you get it?" She sighed.

"No. You could clear things up by just telling me." Louie gave a slow, sudden grin; if worst came to worst, he could blame it on the wine.

"How about I show you instead?" he asked, and leaned in, quickly, and pressed his mouth to hers, his hands coming to her shoulders and pulling her closer. She gave a muffled protest before slamming her hands against his chest, pushing him back, her eyes wide.

"You little _prick_..." Thorn punched his arm, just hard enough to make him draw back. "That's for lying to me, Louie," she growled, then wound one hand through his blonde hair, the other grabbing his shoulder, yanking him towards her, and she crushed her lips against his, making him give a muffled yelp. She brushed her tongue over his bottom lip as they separated, giving him a smile that made him melt. "And you have no _idea_ how long I've waited to do _that_."

Louie's head was spinning, a nervous smile playing about his lips; he was a cadet again, meeting this wildfire hussy for the first time. She grinned and took out her car keys.

"You wanna stay here, or would you rather hit up my place instead?" she asked, and he chuckled weakly.

"Whatever you say," he managed to reply, and she laughed.

"Good. If your grandmother doesn't mind, you can crash there for the night," she said, arching one eyebrow, her eyes sending him a spark of mischief.

"Do you have a spare bedroom?"

"What do you take me for, Louie? Fuck no." With that, she paid their bill and stood up, leading him out.

* * *

**Yeah. No clue where it came from. **

**Well, I'd appreciate it if you'd review this little bit of moronic drabble, and I hope no one was offended by Thorn and Olimar's gay jokes. ;)**

**Cheers!**


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